It was 4:00 in the afternoon on Tuesday. My stomach was churning. My head was fuzzy and woozy. I had just walked into the studio after leaving work on my new part-time schedule. Maybe I was getting ill. Oh, such bad timing. There are so many pots to be thrown.
Indeed, the first pot was horrible. I couldn’t focus. I eventually found my groove and I felt better by the time I left 6 hours later.
As Friday drew near — my new day off — the feeling arose again. My stomach was churning. I was having difficulty focusing. Everything was a distraction. Would my work world survive without me working Fridays? Would they realize they could? Could I make all the pieces I needed to make to fulfill my commissions in time? How was I going to get ready for all these holiday sales? How would I fit exercise into my life with all of these commitments? Would I ever get enough sleep? And on and on.
So this is what if feels like to experience a profound shift in life focus. Ill.
As my journey to follow my passion continues, I am amazed at the range of unexpected feelings. One moment I am uber-confident and ready to charge forward with my pots. The next I am a queasy mess full of doubt. As much as I would like to wax poetic and get all philosophical about this here, I think it is just best to observe. I suspect it is too early to draw conclusions. Even if I did, I would see in a month or two that today’s conclusions were narrow and short-sighted. No, this emotional and spiritual journey will take time to ripen. In the meantime, I continue to make pots and move into my new studio space. And of course, I continue to observe — without judgment — the feelings that arise as I move my energy from left to right brain.